“The Secure Soul”

Are you familiar with Pixar's Inside Out movies? In these movies, Pixar introduces us to Riley and her family while inviting us to explore her inner world through emotions like joy, sadness, anger, anxiety, disgust, and more. Woven into these characters is the psychology of Internal Family Systems, in which parts of us work to protect us and guide the decisions we make. We also see the psychology of attachment theory as Riley navigates her way through growing up and learning who she can trust and feel safe to ask for help.

I am not a therapist, and the amount of training I have in psychology is just enough to receive a minor in pastoral care and counseling, so I am far from an expert in the field. But I am intrigued by it and curious to learn from others who know far more than I do.

I recently finished reading The Secure Soul, Dr. Alison Cook's newest book, and I think it is a book you will want to know about. If you are familiar with attachment theory, you are familiar with the language of secure and insecure attachment, and with the ongoing work of moving from insecure attachment to what is known as earned secure attachment. An important part of attachment theory, for those of us following Jesus, is looking at how we attach to God.

Cook writes, "At its core, secure attachment isn't only psychological. It's spiritual. It's a sacred rhythm of connection sustained by God, the loving Presence who steadies us through both our breaking and our mending. It's bigger than our own individual sense of safety. Bigger than any single relationship. Bigger than any one community. It's the reality that we were made to move in rhythm with Love itself." 

She goes on to write that this sacred rhythm of connection moves in two parts: recognize and return. Recognize invites us to notice when disconnection has happened by pausing to name what we experience inside. Return invites us to reconnect, not by fixing or changing something, but by remembering that God is already with us in every situation. Each chapter ends with a practice of recognizing and returning in the form of a breath prayer. 

Dr. Cook generously takes us through her own experiences of noticing where disconnection has happened and demonstrates how to reconnect over and over again. She writes about her own parts and, in doing so, invites us to notice our own. Her vulnerability and easy storytelling make her words so accessible. 

Cook writes, "Halfway through my doctoral training, I transferred out of a secular psychology program and into a joint program in psychology and theology because I couldn't bear to study the psyche, what I've always thought of as the soul, without also studying it in relation to God. I wanted a framework big enough to hold the whole person: body and spirit, nervous system and longing, attachment wounds and the search for meaning." 

This blend of psychology and theology is woven beautifully through these pages. The continual practice to recognize and return invites us to notice what is happening in our bodies and reminds us that we are unconditionally loved by God, regardless of our circumstances.  

Near the end of the book, Dr. Cook writes these words that resonate so deeply with my own journey - 

     "But over time, something shifts. As you learn to care for the different parts of you—recognizing them and returning again and again to God's steady presence—you become more deeply rooted within your own soul. And from that rootedness, a new capacity emerges. 
     You begin to realize that your beliefs don't require agreement in order to be real. Your viewpoint doesn't need to be defended in every conversation. You can hold your convictions with humility rather than urgency. 
     And when you're no longer fighting for your footing, curiosity can take the place of fear.
     You can listen without preparing a rebuttal.
     You can ask questions without feeling threatened by the answers.
     You can disagree with someone's ideas while still honoring their humanity."

This invitation toward rootedness in God is pivotal in our formation. When we know that we are loved by God, always and without condition, we can live from a place of security rather than scarcity. It reminds me of the beginning of Psalm 23 - "My shepherd being Yahweh, I don't lack." 

In The Secure Soul, Dr. Cook invites us, like Riley in Inside Out, to notice what is happening inside us, and then takes us one step deeper, inviting us to anchor our story in God. She reminds us that all of our parts are welcome and that God is already here in the midst of whatever we are navigating. 

Let me know if you give this book a try. I'd love to hear what you think about it. 

~  Melissa