Ego & Shadow

Recently, I listened to a Holy Post podcast interview with John Mark Comer.  He was discussing his new book, “Practicing the Way,” and mentioned a piece of Jungian Psychology about the ego and the shadow.  

In that particular conversation, they were talking about ministry and how so often people begin working in ministry spaces at a young age and are then rewarded for various behaviors that shape how they show up in the world.  

For instance, a person might be rewarded for having a big personality, for being intelligent, or for planning a great event.  And the thing is, these strengths are true, which is why people name them and celebrate them.  

That young person begins to show up to their work, projecting some version of who they are or who they aspire to be that might be incongruous with who they are in reality.  

During the podcast, they discussed how the ego and the shadow are both at play here. 

And while they were specifically talking about ministry, the ego and the shadow show up in every aspect of life.  As young people enter the workforce, parenting, or whatever they are doing in their 20s, they are all trying to figure out how to fit into the world around them.  

Shortly after hearing this interview, I was with my spiritual direction cohort, where we discussed an idea from author Marilyn Vancil about our authentic selves and our adapted selves.  Our authentic selves are who God created us to be, and our adapted selves are the version of self we have become based on feedback from others.  

While the authentic self and adapted self are a bit different from Jung’s ego and shadow, there still seems to be some continuity in the idea that part of our formation journey is being aware of who God made us to be while noticing and naming the ways we’ve moved away from this authentic version of who we are into an adapted version to fit into our environments.  

Then this past week a friend sent me a different interview with John Mark Comer where he and Carey Nieuwhof were also talking about this idea of ego and shadow.  

In that interview, Comer defined ego as the self we project, believe we are, or aspire to be, and shadow as the parts we are unaware of or refuse to acknowledge.  

They also talked about the importance of integrating the ego and the shadow, which happens as we become more self-aware and willing to look below the surface to what is happening unconsciously in our mind and body and needs our attention.  

As I’ve been thinking about the ego and the shadow, I keep bumping up against the significance of how we adapt to fit into spaces.  

Yesterday, I was taking a case of water to my son at college.  Usually, he comes to pick it up, but he was sick, so I brought it to him.  I couldn’t haul the water to his dorm because it was too heavy, but we have a small dolly so I wheeled it up to him.  As I was taking the empty dolly back to the car, it made so much noise on the sidewalk.  Many eyes turned to see where all the racket was coming from.  

I felt self-conscious making so much noise.  At that moment, I thought, wow, I’m really concerned about what people think of me.  

It was the middle of the afternoon.  It wasn’t an issue that my cart was making noise.  Students looked up to see what was happening, but then they returned to what they were doing.  But I was trying to figure out how to be smaller at that moment.  To minimize the noise.  To hide.  

I walked through the parking lot, asking myself why I needed to be quiet, take up less space, or hide.  

Some of the whys I know instinctively, others I will need to unpack.  But ultimately, I need the Holy Spirit to help me see what is true and to help me integrate the ego and shadow at play here.  

This is the ongoing work of following Jesus.  We keep noticing, keep healing, keep growing.  

~  Melissa