Connection

Over the weekend, I went to a funeral of a man I’ve known for decades.  He would have been 45 this year.  He sang at our wedding and was a member of our wedding party.  We lived a lot of life together in our late teens and twenties.

There are so many stories I could tell.  

But the one that stands out to me today is one of connection.  As we walked into the church for the funeral, people from decades gone by gathered in one place to remember this man and to join his family in holding the sadness of their loss.  

His life was not an easy one.  It had many ups and downs. 

But what I noticed this weekend is all of the people.  People I haven’t seen in 20 years gathered in one place to remember the ways this man was a part of their life. 

There were tears, and there was laughter.  There was grief, and there was joy.  There was sadness, and there was hope.  

I watched as hundreds of people walked around and caught up with one another - swapping stories about what they were up to, how they were doing, reminiscing, and looking toward the future.  

Our friend was always a gatherer of people.  And his funeral was no exception.  

In Anatomy of the Soul, Dr. Curt Thompson writes, “If you permit others to know you, they can make their own assessment of your worth.  They can react to you.  You give them power to be affected by you and in so doing to affect you.  You grant them the option to love you or to reject you.  In essence, you must - must - trust another with yourself.  However, I will argue that it is only through this process of being known that you come to know yourself and learn how to know others.” 

C.S. Lewis says it another way - “To love at all is to be vulnerable.  Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.  If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal.  Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements.  Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.  But it will change in that safe, dark, motionless, and airless casket.  It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.  To love is to be vulnerable.”

Sitting in the church this weekend, it was evident how vulnerable our friend had been.  He had opened himself up to the possibility of love and rejection over and over again. 

And the truth is, I know he experienced both.  Yet, he kept showing up.  Kept looking for connection.  Kept being vulnerable.  

May we all be so brave.  May we also keep showing up.  Keep looking for connection.  Keep being vulnerable.  May we risk being seen, known, and loved, and in so doing, see, know, and love more deeply.  

~  Melissa