Decision Making

Much of the work that I do is confidential. I spend my days listening to people share about their lives and how they are noticing, and at times, not noticing God in their story. I am invited to bear witness to awe and wonder, as well as anger and grief, and while these stories are not mine to tell, certain themes emerge that are for us all.

One topic that comes up regularly is decision making. How do we choose what step to take next? How do we decide where God is inviting us? How do we process what is happening in our bodies when making decisions, big or small? How do we know the right steps to take?

Over the years, I have found that both asking good questions and paying attention to what is happening in my body are helpful starting points for decision making. 

The first thing we need to do is identify the decision before us. For our purposes, let's use the decision about whether I should go back to school to get us started. 

What is the decision I am considering?
Should I go back to school to get a master's degree in spiritual formation and leadership?

Once I've named the decision to be made, I want to start asking myself some questions. 

Awareness Questions
What is happening in my body when I consider this decision? 
What thoughts are filling my mind when I think about this decision? 
Does this decision need to be made immediately? 
How much will this decision cost? 
How will this impact my family? 
Will I have the bandwidth to fulfill my other commitments? 
What emotions am I experiencing? 
What concerns do I have? 
Am I noticing any resistance? 
Are there any clues that this might be something God is inviting me to consider?
Are there any clues that this might be something God isn't inviting me to consider?

These questions will vary depending on the decision we are making. Still, the general idea is that we would give ourselves time to assess what is happening in our bodies as we unpack the decision before us. Some decisions need to be made right away, while others have time to marinate. 

Spend Time in Prayer: 
After noticing what is happening in my brain and body, I want to spend time talking with God about the things I have noticed. I might notice that I feel excited to go back to school but that it doesn't seem like a good fit for our family in this season. That feels like an invitation to get curious with God about what I've noticed and see what the Holy Spirit might highlight or unravel for me. Or I might notice that I have a lot of resistance about going back to school and wonder what the point would even be at this stage in life. Again, these awarenesses create space for me to talk honestly with God about the decision I am holding.

This dialogue with God might be one time or over many months/years, depending on the questions we are asking and the amount of time we have to decide. My decision about school is one that I have been holding loosely for several years, and continue to be curious about. I don't feel rushed to decide, and I feel an invitation to stay curious about it.

Include Community: 
During this decision making process, it is important to have other trusted people who can wonder with you about the decision you are facing. They may notice things you can't see or ask questions you haven't thought of because they are looking at the decision through a different lens than you. This might include counselors, spiritual directors, pastors, family, or friends. The key is to include people who know you well, have a sense of the season of life you are in, and who are attuned to the Holy Spirit. 

Imagination: 
It can be helpful when making a decision to imagine yourself in the different scenarios before you. I might imagine myself returning to school and live into that imagining for a day or two and see how it resonates with me. Then I may switch and imagine myself not returning to school and observe how that resonates with me for a day or two. This experience can help me slow down and observe how my body feels as I consider each option. By imagining, I can explore the workload I would be carrying, the sacrifices I might need to make, the joys I might experience, and more. 

Decision making often isn't a straight line. We usually encounter some twists and turns, but eventually it comes time to decide.

The result can feel complex at times. We may decide to apply for a new job and be at peace with the steps to do so, but in the end, someone else decides that it isn't the right job for us. When others make decisions on our behalf that are different than what we hoped for, it can be disappointing, and we experience grief. 

We don't always have a clear path forward after we've considered a decision. At times, we have to look at decision making as an experiment knowing that we are going to give something a try and see how it works out. We might change our mind, or it might end up being just right. Time will bring clarity in these instances. 

There are some decisions we consider and have a sense that the answer is not right now. So those decisions get shelved and may or may not be revisited later. 

And then there are some decisions where it feels like a beacon of light is shining on the path, and it is crystal clear what the next step should be. 

We may prefer one of these outcomes over another, but the reality is that we can do our best to make a decision and still be surprised by the result. We can usually only see what is right in front of us, so what makes sense to us in the moment is rarely the whole picture. Thankfully, God sees through a wider lens than us and is with us at every twist and turn along our decision making path. 

I don't know about you, but that is comforting to me. 

~ Melissa