Seen, Known, & Loved
On Friday night, after a full week, we decided to get takeout from one of our favorite restaurants. I went to pick up the order, and when I walked into the restaurant, it felt very chaotic. There were groups of people standing around, but no one was being seated. There was plenty of available seating, so I’m not sure what the delay was, but I let them know I was there to pick up an order and then sat down on the bench to wait for it.
While I was waiting, I observed a family across from me. There were six adults and a little girl. The girl was dressed up like a princess. She was wearing a tutu with glittery stars and a tiara, and she had a wand of some kind in her hand. She was standing near the hostess counter, curious about the 3 foot inflatable Santa on display.
After a few minutes, another family arrived to check in for dinner. This family had two young boys, about the same age as the girl. As the parents checked in at the hostess station, the two boys saw the inflatable Santa and went to check it out. They immediately struck up a conversation with the girl. They were asking each other how old they were and chatting happily about nothing.
The family with the boys decided to wait outside until their table was ready, since it was crowded inside. But the kids all wanted to keep talking to each other, so the girl stood inside the glass door, while the boys were on the outside. They were standing very close to the glass and shouting at each other so they could hear one another.
At one point, the girl said I can’t hear you out there. She went to open the door to hear them better, but the adults she was with asked her not to, because they didn’t want her fingers to get smashed. They ended up pulling her back into their group, and then their table was ready, so the interaction was over.
All told, I was only observing them for maybe 7 minutes.
I was struck by the carefree spirit of these children. They didn’t know much about each other, yet they became fast friends. They were curious about what the other was doing and wanted to hang out together even if only for a short time.
I’ve spent the better part of three decades working with children in various capacities, and I’ve always been blown away by the relative ease with which young children connect with one another. I admire their ability to see another child they don’t know and strike up a conversation. They are straightforward in what they say and usually comfortable being themselves, until, it seems, around age 5 or 6, when they start to become more concerned about what others think of them.
As I observed these three children at the restaurant, I wondered to myself what it would look like if the adults in the room interacted similarly. What would happen if I just walked up to a group of strangers in a restaurant and struck up a conversation?
As adults, there are many unspoken rules about how we interact with one another, especially in public spaces. And honestly, the idea of striking up a conversation with a group of strangers while waiting for my table at a restaurant isn’t that appealing to me.
It got me thinking about church on Sunday mornings and the time in the service where we are meant to greet each other. We started attending a new church about a year and a half ago, and I still feel awkward during this greeting time. But it was also uncomfortable for me at the church we attended for 29 years. Honestly, my introverted self would be happy to skip this part of the service each week.
And yet, there is a longing in me for connection. A longing for community. Not for awkward handshakes and small talk, but for deep conversation, laughter, and ongoing friendship. This kind of community takes time to build and intentionality to maintain. It requires vulnerability and trust. It doesn’t happen in an instant, but when it is found, it is worth the effort to hold on to it.
I wonder:
What does community look like for you?
What is the longing of your heart when it comes to connection with other people?
Does community, the type where you are seen, known, and loved, feel safe for you?
What might God be inviting you to notice about community?
~ Melissa