Re-Entry
We spent the last week in Motley, Minnesota, at The River Retreat, a beautiful house on the Crow Wing River, surrounded by countless trees, tons of wildlife, the darkest night sky, and immense peace. We took a deep breath and felt our bodies exhale the minute we walked in the door. It was exactly what we had hoped for when we booked the house months ago.
Our days were slow. We played games, read books, did puzzles, walked by the water, and enjoyed being together as a family.
But as all vacations do, this one came to an end. Over the weekend, as we made our way home, the notion of re-entry hit hard. Just a few hours into our journey home, we stopped for lunch. There was a hiccup on my phone, and the app I was using to order wasn’t working correctly. I found myself feeling so annoyed that I had wasted time putting in the order on the app, only to then have to stand in line to order because it didn’t work. I was snippy with my family and probably grumpy with the person taking my order, too.
I could feel the tension in my body, and it didn’t make any sense. We’d just spent a glorious week resting and slowing down and two hours into our trip home I was on edge.
As I took time to reflect on what was happening in my body, I realized a couple of things.
First, I was feeling sad that it was time to head home to reality. Our house has been torn up since October. Slowly, we’ve been doing the work to get it repaired after all the crazy water leaks, but we still have the final step of replacing our flooring. After spending a week in the woods at a house that was so cozy and restful, the reality of the ongoing chaos at our house was weighing on me.
Second, I realized that for 6 days we had been living relatively quietly. I hadn’t listened to any podcasts or been on any Zoom calls. We had listened to some music and watched a show together, but most of our hours were spent talking to each other or sitting in the quiet spaces together. Everything about our week moved at a different pace, but once we got in the car to head home, reality hit as the podcasts started playing at their 1.5x speed.
After noticing these things and giving voice to them, I realized that I was feeling a little resentful of re-entry. I didn’t want the slow, quiet pace to disappear, and at the same time, I’m one of four people on this trip, and we all have a different idea of what coming home looks like.
I’ve mentioned before how my life has slowed way down over the past five years, yet being at The River Retreat made me wonder if parts of it might not have slowed as much as I had thought. I was reminded that regularly scheduled days of silence and solitude are something I long for, and at the same time, I can’t live every day as slowly and quietly as I might wish to.
Noticing these things about myself helped me to take a deep breath, savor the time we had away, and embrace re-entry, knowing that even if it is a little messy, it is also good.
Have you ever had moments when re-entry into your regular routine has been especially challenging? Were you able to notice the clues in your body to help you sort out what was bothering you? Would you do anything differently next time?
~ Melissa