God With Us

I have been navigating a mild concussion for several weeks. I had a vasovagal syncope, a fancy way of saying I fainted and crumpled onto the ground. I hit my head when I collapsed, and through a series of doctor visits, it was determined I had a concussion. I’m still processing what is happening in my body, and maybe I’ll say more about it at another time, but I share this little bit with you because over the past few weeks my regular rhythms have been majorly interrupted.

What do we do when our bodies can’t show up to our lives in the ways that feel normal? What do we do when our bodies require more rest than we originally planned? 

We grieve. 
And, we pivot.

I have had to cancel or reschedule some things over the past few weeks. I have had to modify my days so that rest is my highest priority. I have had to stay home as much as possible to allow my body to move toward recovery.

You would think with all this “free time” on my calendar that I would have plenty of time to read or create something beautiful, but actually that isn’t true, and it feels discouraging. My brain is extra tired right now, so reading and creating use too much energy, though I can feel this improving a little each day.

I haven’t opened my Bible in a couple of weeks; instead, I have used the Dwell app to read it aloud to me. I haven’t picked up the book I was reading about Romans in a couple of weeks either. It has just felt like too much.

But I have met God in other ways.

I have watched lots of Christmas movies. I have talked to friends who understand the grief of bodies in hard seasons. I have cried. I have prayed. I have wrestled with a million questions. I have taken naps. I have hoped. I have found joy in the weirdest birds that look like dinosaurs. I have allowed the sun to be on my face.

Through it all, I am reminded that God is with me.

With me when I was collapsed on the floor. With me when I was getting brain scans, and heart scans, and blood work. With me in the grief. With me in the joy. With me no matter how my body is working or moving. With me whether I can open my Bible or not. With me while I nap.

With me, always.

And this is true for all of us. God is with us. In our fear. In our sorrow. In our delight. In our wonder. In our anger. In our stubbornness. In all things. God is not put off by any of it. God can handle all of it. God carries it with us and helps lighten our load. 

We are not alone, and I see that as a tremendous gift and a remarkable grace. 

~  Melissa